Chuan@Christchurch

Still reminiscing the times we had. The catfight, the me bully-er, the him-to talk to about family affairs.. Gave him a big bear hug, hold there for a few secs and I told myself to let go. I couldn't resist myself but to let go my tears. " Take care " he said.. then I turned and walked away from the boarding gate. Mom called later on and asked how I feel, I burst into tears again.. She was too..she said I will miss him but we agreed it's for his best.

Merely 24 hours after he left, we are all finally relieved that he's safely stepped his foot on the land of dramatic and picturesque view, New Zealand. We wished him the best of everything and have a blast of his life there.

Comeback

I know I've been away for too long. Sorry people!

To start, I've been a bumble bee at work.
At the same time contributing to Gakkai activities.

- The recent anti nuclear weapon exhibition, I've invited my brother to help out as coordinator for student programme. Starts at 8am to 5pm. He said "WAA!! Gotta wake up so early and no money to my pocket." Well, that's the thing you learn to contribute selflessly for the community, for the good of others. Ain't that noble! Then he agreed :)
- Shakubuku campaign, been working along my comrades to work for the happiness of others. We must be happy and also others too.
- Gokuyo, very happy that this year I'm able to make a little more contribution than the years before.

Shirley gave this piece of encouragement with me after I shared my experience with her.

President Ikeda
This spirit of engaging others in dialogue on equal terms is the essence of buddhism. Through dialogue, Shakyamuni opened hearts that were closed, softened hearts that had grown hard and melted hearts that were frozen.

PDZs'

Our time together is always full of laughter and it never fails to uplift my spirit. The transparency between us seems to ease all the one hundred thousand questions and doubts congesting in my mind. They can come out with the most hilarious joke that can make me turn 360.

We went through our happiest moment at work together. From learning Mandarin to learning English. From breakies to tea times. From pai kut png to char mi hun ker. From laughter to tears. Oww.. They taught me one thing. Not to judge at someone based on their appearance, although I know that at that point of time but I wasn't entirely aware of the gist. Til today, I always remind myself about that.

I know I'm pretty, fussy, authorative, short tempered and cute.. I know yaw'll still love me a lot..hehe..

Babies.. I can't wait to see you all again. Looking forward towards our plan!! I Love Yaw'll :)

Rattling Experience

Beautiful morning as I was cruisin along the highway. The after rain effect gives a blurry vision of the surrounding hills and I realized how beautiful Malaysia is. It's Merdeka eve and I'm feeling nice altho the radio was playing some emo break-up song. Well well, I was singing it out loud like never before. I picked up the phone as I was reaching the turn to my destination and I felt I was snow gliding and immediately I stepped on the paddle to stop. Without much hesitation, I tried my very best to manoeuvre the wheels as pro as I can just like how we drive in the virtual world of car racing. Left and right I went, even managed to>make a 360 degree turn and it stopped. Came down to see that my baby was badly damaged but glad that I don't feel an inch of pain.

Moral of the story: Do not sing overly emo when you are driving ;)

EeDeeAss

Put on my eye masque before I went to bed but still woke up with tired eyes. As a matter of fact, I had difficulty in sleeping last night so this morning I have a tough time fighting against the devil in me. I drag myself up, wash, changed and drove to work. It’s another 2 hours to end the day at work but I’m already dozing off. Shitty! Must be the regular afternoon naps and I can’t go online here. Ooh that sucks! Goodness gracious, I’m such a whiner. Sorry about that.

One Year

I know I have been quiet for sometime. To begin, the unemployment period seems nice. At first, it was weird but after a week I was getting used to it. I did sleep a little bit more on some days but gotta remind myself not to get easy and lazy. I have been visiting fashion boutiques regularly, pampering myself with facials and massage. Lunches, coffee with long evening talk, dinners and partying on Friday nites is almost ecstatic. What could I ask for more?

Anyway, officially blogging for 1 year. Happy Anniversary!!

Juggling June

I got a call from my father and he asked “Do you have anything valuable that you left in the house?” I asked “Why? They came in again?” My father said yes. Sigh.. They tried to break into my house a month ago but they failed because my aunt who’s living next door heard them. 2 months ago my other uncle who lived just behind the row of my house got break in too. Last 2 weeks, my laptop was stolen and that belongs to the company.^%#@* Only few days ago my friend’s house got break in and they were armed with parang. All this happen in the same neighbourhood. As I was heading back home, I was chanting in my heart that nothing much will be at lost but if they managed to, I have to accept that it is our family karma.

Some of the things we noticed throughout our search:

- Every drawer was ransacked and I thanked that we asked the maid to rearrange and put our things and clothes back in order.
- They switched my picture that I placed on my face mirror from right to left.
- They took the safe box. Fortunately there were only coins that my father kept for his business purposes. RM500
- My brother cash money, RM900. Poor boy must have worked so hard for his money.
- They left a fake Polo cap in the living hall and my friend suggested sending it to CSI, HA HA.
- Then they drew something using the joss stick ash on one of the Buddhist alter. My father said that the alter is the God that hold guard of the security and belongings of the house. My father believed that these actions are only known by people from the temple or they are able to perform trance. I’ve never heard about this before. Does this means they are seeking for permission or asking for forgiveness? Why did they do that? What they are doing is against any law in life and creating bad karma to their lives and for their next generation.
- I have to calculate my total loss for the day. After I thoroughly went through all my drawers, to my surprised, they didn’t took my jewellery, mobile phone and my precious camera. All were still intact although my room was in a total mess. I thanked Gohonzon that all these were not taken away from me. It is not on the price value but more on the sentimental value. They were sincere gifts from my parents, my aunt, and friends. My precious!

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

I took a glance and It doesn't look appealing to me. My colleague was saying Ahh..so nice. So I decided to give it a try. Well, the fact it was quite impressive after all but I didn't buy it. Must be careful with my pocket :P

Crossroads

So what happen to the Ol’ me? Revive Ping!! Lost it along somewhere during my journey. Nobody is responsible for our own actions except us. This is totally unacceptable. Dare to be bold and strong again! I will and I must. I vow for a comeback.

Complicated

Oh I haven’t started anything yet for May. Too many thoughts been running on my mind and putting into words is no easy task for me. Maybe I’m not so sure of what I want to do or am I simply trying to be a perfect person. I don’t know. I wouldn't want to be a difficult person to people that I care about. It’s all too head jamming for me. So I decided to put it aside (not again, Ping) and go on by pampering my mind, body and soul. It was a fun 2 weeks I guess, money well spent to uplift my spiritual being.

Legendary Langkawi

An archipelago of 104 islands, 99 when it’s high tide in the Andamans. Langkawi is beautiful in its own kind, full of myths and legends (we did not have enough time to find out why the sand is black), the rich flora and fauna (there were so many trees, so I guess there are a lot of habitations happening inside) and of course the sea.

It's common for tourist to rent a car and explore the island. Cruisin’ along the coastline with the airport runway on the other side, we off the headlight for a few secs and I stick my head out off the window. It was pitched dark and the stars scattered above the sky was enchanting. Although it is the rainy season I heard, we were lucky to receive rain only when we were just about to say goodbye to the island. In fact, the sky was blue and filled with puffy cotton clouds stretch along the way and the sun was sunny enough to give the right exposure for scenic pictures. The wind was strong enough to blow the money given to waiter at the bar. Thanks to the island’s tax free status, all you need to do is lay back at the beach with bottles of Coronas. It would be great if they play some Spanish music, oh so EXOTIC.

Hot Eve

The fire in me was flaming hot, even my dad asked me “ Waa, why your face so black?” The evening went bad to worst. While I was walking towards the mall, a couple approached me. Apparently they were from the mainland. First they asked whether I understand Mandarin and I said a little then they started going with their story where they were from and how did they got here and lost their friend. I tried not looking into their eyes as I was afraid being hypnotized. They wanted a favour from me and I said I’m late and I need to go. They said please can you borrow us money for a cab to KLCC. Whoaa.. I was so pissed and told them No! I have no money!! I walked away and continue my shopping at the mall. Later then when I was walking to pay my parking ticket, I noticed a Flash. Oh there was this old uncle holding his camera phone towards me and my gf. I was like don’t tell me you are taking our pictures. Maybe I was sensitive. After I paid the parking ticket, I walked to the vending machine where my gf was trying to quench her thirst. Yes the old uncle was still there. Hmmph yes, he was faking it by holding his camera phone. Dammit, I stood there and looked at him angrily. I told my gf to leave immediately. Oh!! What an evening…

Minus 9 and 1/2 Inch

My impulsiveness caused me 9 1/2 inch shorter or almost 10. Oh! I mean my hair :) Geared up for my weekend getaway. I'm close to happiness. Things to do : French manicure or Cherry coloured nails?

???

I am bored with my hair. Been 4 months since I did something to it, so what’s next? I don’t dare to go bald or go afro. Err.. that leaves me not much choice either because with my heart shaped face I only can go with some certain hairstyles that compliments me as a whole. Women!! So fickle, I want to dye my hair, I want to highlight my hair, I want to perm my hair and look luscious like Cindy Crawford or Tyra Banks, I want to look like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail or even Naomi Campbell short bob with fringe (the standard hairstyle for girls in primary school). So how la??? U tell me??

Kimchi Craze

Thought after got my head spinning with Moët & Chandon will knock me off till the next day, instead woke up automatically at 8 and Yaa.. weird dream again. This time about a group of people who ate kimchis like vampires thirsting for blood. Haha, I have no idea who these people are in the dream. Hmm.. wonder what I'll dream of tonight..

Beyond Beauty

I heard something beautiful today

and it touches me deeply.

I’m pure and that’s the quality of

what others see in me.

It’s beyond beauty.

Party People

I received an invitation from a friend that there’s a party going on tonight at 3am! This is madness! Hello Thursday night leh, gotta crawl up from my bed tomorrow morning for work. Well this bunch of people are scary because once they invite you for a party, it’s really serious freakin helluva party! I’m not sure whether I’m tagging along because it has been a few tiring night plus those weird dreams. What draws me there is we got a VIP room called Johnnie Walker room. Inside the room comes with karaoke set, lounge and a pool table. Quite cool ain’t it? And my friend came out with the best tagline “ I’m going to retire from the scene”, so here I am contemplating whether to believe that or not.

P/S : 12 bottles of Henessy awaiting for Us, Crazzie BOSS!

Black and Rosey

I’m not a programmer although what I went through college was 60% programming. Gosh! I didn’t know how I strive through that. Think my determination back then was stronger, I dunno actually..hehe.. Anyway, main point is I only know how to change the colour of my layout so nothing fancy. And I think it’s quite nice leh..

Marching in March

March has been a long winding month but I think it’s the best so far for us. Best for me t0o, I felt that I worked wisely and chanted the most! Guess that’s why, everything seems to jive along. Not purrfect but nice.

Dreamy Ping

Lately, I have many weird dreams. It’s a seasonal thing like spring, summer, autumn, and winter. There are times that I sleep like a baby till the sun shine on me and there are times that I have interlude dreams. Sometimes it’s SO weird that it bothers me a lot during the day time. And i don’t talk much and just being quiet. Don’t like to be feeling this way. I want to be fun, bubbly and witty as always. Ya ya ya, it’s just a dream. Wake up la Ah Ping!

A game of Scrabble

I've never been so lucky ever in Scrabble but this time is entirely different. Almost every of my turn, I have some words to play with. Normally 3-4 letter word but this time round I'm able to make words with more than 5 characters. The blast was the 7 letter word, never in my life I had all my 7 letter word all in the board. Waa ..so proud of myself. I might be looking back at this entry 10 years later and tell myself "Silly Girl" Oh well but that's the fun of it! hehe..

Long or Short

Chinese New Year is over, I’ve done a few things like settling some of my payments, collected my IC, check on travel information which I never get bored of but I’m bored that I still don’t have enough money to travel yet, learn some new things at work and YES cutting my fingernails.

The idea of having long manicured fingernails seems sexy and feminine to me. I think my mum had indirectly influenced me in keeping my nails long and I’m blessed to have nice fingernails :P. Mom has a bag which looked more like a candy bag where she throws all her bright colored nail polish in it. My nails are quite easily chipped which is somewhat irritating when I’m washing my own hair. Strands of hair will normally get in between the chipped nails and it will cause the nails to tear off. That’s when I have to cut my nails shorter and it looks kiddy and funny to me. But the convenient thing about having short nails are many, it’s easier for you when you do typing on your keyboard, sending text messages without scratching the screen and also using your fore finger to circulate and massage the eye cream around the eye area. Well, that’s just how convenient it is for me when having short fingernails.

Sickly Happy Ping

So after I came back from work, I slept for almost 3 days. I’m still recovering from the flu and my lungs infection. Thanks to my papa who knows acupuncture, I felt better. After the whole process of needle poking, you macam have more energy in your body, it's something difficult to explain unless to feel it yourself. Although I'm phsically challenged, I somehow feel happy. Happy to see when my papa smile, happy to see Ah Chuan's smile.. I have to leave out my Leo brother because he has been sleeping the whole day. The simplest thing does make me happy. Is this what they called true happiness? I think so.. Simple and pure. Enjoy what there is to enjoy, suffer what there is to suffer.

Gong Xi Fa Cai 2007

I’m back at work after a CNY long break. Now I’m feeling feverish again, DAMN! I’ve been very vulnerable these few months and I do not know why. Arghh .. I hate feeling this way because I don’t like the idea of getting too many MC in such a short duration of time but at the same time my body just couldn’t take it. Popped in 1 Panadol, hopefully to make myself feel better but it’s only 10am and office hours ends at 6pm. Great!

Well, have been busy running around relatives house for luncheons and dinners. Basically everyday but that’s the fun of it. Talk loud and laugh loud. Dunno why but it makes us feel closer, heheh.. I've tried my best to taste every cookie available on the table. Within 3 days I’ve gained 1kg leh! The putting on weight is after me working non stop for 6 hours as a maid at my house’s open house. Didn’t get a chance to sit for even 5 minutes which causes my legs to sore the next day but again it’s all worthwhile. Worthwhile of the warmthness of having a big family around and not putting on 1kg within 3 days.

Haven’t really catch up with my buddies except for our karaoke session yesterday but I guess it didn’t turn out to be as fun. So expensive leh for 3 plates of fruits and some light bites and it costs us RM123! And the direction to the karaoke was really bad and makes all of us walked in a maze. Not recommended for 1st timer. I am still looking forward what’s going to happen another next few days so I decided to GO BACK HOME now and rest.

CNY around the corner

I have too much in my mind that I didn’t know what to write about. For the past 1 month, I’ve been busy and not to mention lazy or maybe lack of inspiration. Been struggling to clear my debts and it was possible until I realized that I suppose to do my whole body checkup. That cost me a bomb with the treatments I’m receiving. But that’s alright, I still managed to put on a big smile. Our New Year resolution is to SMILE even though we are facing with adversities. Thanks for reminding me.

So there goes New Year and Valentine’s Day, Chinese New Year is only 2 days away. Do I have the mood? Honestly not really yet although I’ve put some efforts in decorating my house. Chinese New Year is about gathering a lot of people, food and drinks, and also gambling. I guess by tomorrow, the festive mood in me will lighten up because CM’s house will officially opened for gambling from tomorrow night onwards. Can’t wait to listen to the sound of the fireworks…

But before that, I'm meeting up with a bunch of my ex colleagues tonight for karaoke session. Great company to hang out with, there's no camouflage but purely be yourself. They are not judgemental at all which I've learned from them that we have no right to determine that person is a ah beng or ah lian. Anyway, it's just pure fun with them.

Dinner with Pa

I had a quiet dinner with my pa, i've begin to realize he cares and love us a lot. Started to spent more time with him not just by sitting at home and to let him know my presence but talking to him more, do things together with him and listening to his complaints. Listening to him is not an easy task but I've learnt to be patience and listen with an open heart, to be more receiving too, think and consider his words. I noticed a huge improvement in our father daughter relationship and I will continue to work towards a better relationship.

There is a quote saying “If you want to change the environment, you yourself must change first”

Emotional Blackmail

I've heard this from a member when I attended our district Gakkai discussion meet and I think it's a cool word to describe everything below. This is one thing I find interesting and if you do encounter this or heard about it, appreciate you do leave your comments.

Emotional blackmail is relationship abuse motivated by a desire to hurt. An emotional blackmailer may claim good intentions, and a victim may perceive the abuse as normal.The use of emotions becomes harmful when they are used as threats to control or intimidate others. Emotional abuse includes excessive demands, punishment for normal behavior, discouraging expressions of attachment (love) or self-respect, and withholding affection or care. Emotionally charged threats and intimidation leaves their victims feeling helpless. Victims of emotional blackmail often give in, believing they have no other options. The damage caused by emotional abuse often manifests as dysfunctional relationship behavior.

The justification for emotional blackmail is often dependence - the abuser may be afraid to lose something important that the victim provides. An abuser may:

-> Withhold essential information
-> Contradict the victim's perspective
-> Disguise abuse as humor
-> Block the victim's goals
-> Install limiting beliefs
-> Trivialize thoughts and achievements
-> Make threats to increase power
-> Forget promises, agreements or previous discussions
-> Invalidate the victim's reality and perceptions
-> Express anger to release tension and feel powerful

Displeasure can be expressed in ways without using emotional blackmail. When rules and expectations are clear, the need for manipulation is lessened. When the authority structure is clear and just, they develop trust in the decisions that are made.

If you want to know the characteristic of a victim and an emotional blackmailer and also why is it necessary to stop emotional blackmailing -> Emotional Blackmail

Happy 2007

I’ve been thinking of writing since it’s the New Year and I wanted to post up something significant to me. So yes I will be posting up something very interesting soon. So wait there for awhile and I’ll be back. Meanwhile I’ve just added my New Year resolution on top of the initial one, so go Ping go!

Learn Zen Qi
Be a good daughter
Be a good sister
Be a good financial advisor (this has been going on every year but still I’m not giving up, debts debts debts)
Be a smart consumer (again, this has been going on every year but still I’m not giving up, save save save)

And a few more…

What are yours??